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Bliska

by Londead

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    - One original bonus track: "Descent"
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about

† 2011-2019 †

"So, there it is. "Bliska" is the last and final EP from Londead.

When I started Londead, I was in a hole near New Cross gate in London, UK. This project helped me coping with hard times and self-doubt-- ultimately making me realize that most of these things, that perhaps I thought would be temporary due to my personal life at the beginning of the project, would stay with me until the end.

I began writing "Bliska" in late 2016, after arriving in the city of Warsaw (Poland) where I lived for the next 2 years. What should have been a very spontaneous EP (like "Brs de fear" in 2013) became something bigger, and it took me 2 years to fully finish the songs. This EP goes back to the musical roots of the project, but also features more vocals than ever before, and IN FRENCH throughout the whole thing. For years I wasn't interested in using my mothertongue in my music because I had (still have) mixed feelings with it as a "sung language", but on these songs, it came out naturally... and it added the definitive nail to the coffin of the project, making it my most testimonial recording, for better or worse: at the end of the mixing process, I understood that Londead was done. You can't run away from ghosts; you learn to live with them, to embrace them even. Nothing happens the way you'd like it to happen anyway.

To the people who listened, shared, spoke or wrote about it, actually gave a damn: thank you. It meant a lot more than I could say. It's time to let go."

-Gom
May 28th 2019

credits

released May 28, 2019

Music, lyrics and production by Gom Pilote

Artwork by Natalia Burzyńska web.facebook.com/burzynska1.0

Instruments programmed and recorded in Warsaw, Poland between September 2016 and April 2018. Vocals recorded in Clapiers, France in February 2019.

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Délivrances Montpellier, France

An independent Art Collective and Record Netlabel, founded in 2013 in Montpellier, southern France.

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Track Name: L'espoir dans la chute
Partir à nouveau, loin des terres ardentes
Un parfum de sirène dissout tous les liens
Parmi les badauds, un animal en fuite
Perdu dans la jungle, à jamais apatride

Le futur comme le passé, parfois
Laissent un sillon glacé, un chemin de croix
Reproduire le doute, sans cesse
L'espoir dans la chute, maintenant, pour toujours

Je tombe des nues à nouveau
Dans la chair, une issue

Le futur comme le passé, sur moi
Sont épines et pire encore, des matins étoilés
Reproduire le doute, sans cesse
L'espoir dans la chute, maintenant, pour toujours


▪ ENGLISH TRANSLATION ▪

Leaving again, far from the fiery lands
The scent of the siren dissolves all bounds
Among the onlookers, an animal on the run
Lost in the jungle, stateless forever

The future, just like the past, sometimes
Leaves an icy furrow, a long and hard road
Reproducing doubt, constantly
Hope through falling, now, forever

I'm flabbergasted, once again
In the flesh, a way out

The future, just like the past, on me
Are thorns and even worse, morning stars
Reproducing doubt, constantly
Hope through falling, now, forever
Track Name: Gadka Szmatka
J’ai marché seul dans le noir, pendant des mois
Arpenté des pierres étranges, sans savoir où j’allais
Traversé tout un espace qu'on ne connait pas
Au bout du compte il n'y a rien à voir
Je marche seul dans la nuit et je pense à toi
Je marche seul sans un bruit et j'entends ta voix

J’ai parlé à des mirages, j’ai cru m’y voir
Dans l’illusion du bel âge, rien à voir
Je marche seul dans la nuit et je pense à toi
Je marche seul sans un bruit et j'entends ta voix

Si j’ai perdu le nord, si j’ai l’air à l’ouest
Lentement tous tes mots guident mes pas

Une fois sain et sauf chez moi, j'ai cru sortir d'un songe
Une sombre idée qui ne me quitte pas
La nostalgie du vertige


▪ ENGLISH TRANSLATION ▪

I walked alone in the dark, for months
Strided strange stones, without knowing where I was going
Crossed a whole space that we do not know
In the end there is nothing to see
I walk alone in the night and I think of you
I walk alone without a sound and I hear your voice

I spoke to mirages, I thought seeing myself
Through the illusion of the golden age, nothing to see
I walk alone in the night and I think of you
I walk alone without a sound and I hear your voice

If I get lost, if I am all at sea
Slowly all your words guide my steps

Once safe and sound at home, I thought I was coming out of a dream
A dark idea that doesn't leave me
The nostalgia for vertigo
Track Name: Pardon
Je sais que je suis un problème
Je sais que tu le nies
Je sais que je suis ton anxiogène
Je sais que tu rêves d’autre chose

Where you wanna go ... I can’t
Where you wanna go ... I can’t be
Where you wanna go ... I can’t
Where do you think you're going ... with me?

Je sais que je donne du fil à retordre
Je sais que tu penses que j’en rajoute
Je sais que j’ai dit trop souvent oui
Et je ne sais plus où aller

Where you wanna go ... I can’t
Where you wanna go ... I can’t be
Wish that I could go away
Wish I could stop feeling sorry for myself


▪ ENGLISH TRANSLATION ▪

I know I am a problem
I know you're denying it
I know I am your anxiety
I know you dream of something else

Where you wanna go ... I can’t
Where you wanna go ... I can’t be
Where you wanna go ... I can’t
Where do you think you're going ... with me?

I know I'm giving hard times
I know you think that I'm exagerrating
I know I said "yes" too often
And I don't know where to go anymore

Where you wanna go ... I can’t
Where you wanna go ... I can’t be
Wish that I could go away
Wish I could stop feeling sorry for myself
Track Name: EV Vs. DM
Une parole trop posée, opposée sérieusement à vos vues, huée en envolées digitales déconstruites décidemment à lire mais qui
ne nécessite rien de plus qu’un peu de bienveillance lancinante tant ce monde décadent dégringole... mais qu’y puis-je ?

Pas de pitié, pas de bonté, pas de raison, pas de coeur non, rien que des cendres
Pas d’amertude, pas de rancune, pas de vengeance, pas d’eulogie, puisqu’on est morts
Les amitiés dans le miroir cachent à peine l’erreur humaine qui me définit
Et les regrets indispensables à la remise en question qui me tue sont là

À force de vouloir leur plaire, j’oublie parfois qui je suis
J’en arrive des fois à perdre le goût des plaisirs de la vie
Et le trépas me fait de l’oeil malgé mon envie de m’en sortir
Est-ce une question d’esthétique ou une curiosité morbide ?

Ah, ah ah
Envie de vivre, désir de mort
En vivre et s’en remettre au sort
Envie de vivre, désir de mort
Baisser les yeux, jeter un sort

À force de vouloir leur plaire, je ne sais même plus qui je suis
Je souris mais je saigne. Mais qu’est-ce que je cherche à prouver ?
Le trépas me fait de l’oeil, alors que je lutte pour survivre
Est-ce un paradoxe positif qui repoussera le son du glas, ou une pulsion de mort ?

Je ne peux plus, je ne veux plus, je n’ai plus lu depuis longtemps, tant j’ai du mal. Mon cerveau ne vaut plus un clou, coup après coup, sur le
moteur de mes pensées. Le temps qui passe est implacable, et plus j’avance, plus c’est la transe, et peut être que je me complais, dans
cette merde, dans cette haine, dans le dégout de moi-même.
Mes pensées pourrissent en permanence pendant que mon corps prétend tenir mais se défait. Fait avéré, l’esprit périt et le corps suit, la
fin est proche et je sais plus, je me rappelle plus de mon nom, plus de mon age, plus j’ai des croutes, et plus ça gratte, plus rien à foutre…
Rater ma vie est une peur qui me propulse en avant, un pied dans la tombe.


▪ ENGLISH TRANSLATION ▪

A speech, too well laid, seriously opposed to your views, booed in digital waves deconstructed definitely to read but which requires nothing more than a little bit of nagging benevolence as this decadent world tumbles... but what can I do?

No mercy, no kindness, no reason, no heart, nothing but ashes
No bitterness, no grudge, no revenge, no eulogy, since we're dead
Friendships in the mirror barely hide the human error that defines me
And regrets, essential to the questioning that kills me, are there

By dint of wanting to please them, sometimes I forget who I am
I tend to lose the taste of the pleasures of life
And death is giving me the look, in spite of my desire to pull it through
Is it a matter of aesthetics or a morbid curiosity?

Ah, ah ah
Desire to live, death wish
Living, and relying on fate
Desire to live, death wish
Lowering your eyes, casting a spell

By dint of wanting to please them, I don't even know who I am anymore
I smile but I bleed. But what am I trying to prove?
Death is giving me the look, as I struggle to survive
Is it a positive paradox that will prevent the bells from tolling, or a death drive?

I can't anymore, I don't want anymore, I haven't read for a long time, because of so much trouble. My brain is no longer worthy, hit after
hit on the engine of my thoughts. Time that passes is implacable, and the further I go, the more it's like a trance, and maybe
I indulge myself, in this shit, in this hatred, in this disgust of myself.
My thoughts are rotting all the time while my body claims holding on but breaks, Turns out, the spirit perishes and the body follows, the
end is near and I don't know anymore, I don't remember my name, don't remember my age, the more I get crusty, and the more it scratches, don't give a shit...
Failing at my life is a fear that propels me forward, a foot in the grave.
Track Name: Je dérive encore
Je dérive encore, je dérive encore…
Mes pensées filent, et je ne peux le contrôler
Chaque instant, tant d’efforts, faux raccord, la gorge nouée
Pourtant, pourtant, j’essaie de me reprendre
Oublie moi
Oublie toi
Oublie tout
Souviens toi, rappelle-leur
Ne pardonne pas, non, non

Je dérive encore
Je dérive encore
J’AI DÉTRUIT MON CORPS
Je dérive encore

Pas envie de dormir
Pas envie de te voir
Ai-je envie de mourir ? Non...
Mais pas envie de te le dire, de te le dire

J'ai besoin de partir
J'ai besoin que tu me manques, que tu me manques
Ai-je besoin de souffrir ? Peut être
J'ai besoin de pouvoir te perdre

...te perdre


▪ ENGLISH TRANSLATION ▪

I'm drifting again, I'm drifting again...
My thoughts are spinning, and I can not control it
Every moment, so much effort, false chords, throat knotted
Yet, yet, I'm trying to pick myself up
Forget about me
Forget about you
Forget everything
Remember, remind them
Do not forgive, no, no

I'm drifting again
I'm drifting again
I DESTROYED MY BODY
I'm drifting again

Don't want to sleep
Don't want to see you
Do I want to die? No...
But don't want to tell you, to tell you

I need to leave
I need to be missing you, missing you
Do I need to suffer? Maybe
I need to be able to lose you

...lose you

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